I was thinking about the idea of doing a sort of public journal, like a weekly update kind of thing, but then I was like, “Is that stupid? Why would anyone want to read that? Isn’t that a little bit old school blog?” And maybe no one would, but also maybe someone would. Maybe talking about my struggles, daily routine, etc could make someone not feel so alone, so I figured what can it hurt? I guess that’s the beauty of it being my website, I can write whatever I feel like, even if it isn’t some structured thought out article.

I thought this could be a fun casual thing I could do, but it may not always be perfect. I’ll try not to overthink this the way I overthink other things I post. And it will probably be all over the place because it will just be like writing in a diary, and will be about random things I did during the week or just about some thoughts I’ve had over the last week. I don’t really know what will be in it. It will most likely be a lot of rambling, like I’m currently doing… I almost said I’ll work on that, but nope, I won’t because I said I won’t overthink this. Be casual, Summer, be casual. Is writing to myself in third person weird? (I’ll still probably do it even if you say it is)

So last week was pretty uneventful, but it felt eventful because I read a whole series in the span of a week. I felt like I lived years in just seven days going through the emotional rollercoaster that is The Ravenhood Series, by Kate Stewart. I won’t go into it much because I have written a whole post about the series and my thoughts on it that I will be posting on Wednesday (7/19), so check that out when it’s posted if you’re interested. Reading was probably the most exciting thing I did last week, but it left me with a major book hangover.

If you don’t know what that is, it’s kind of feeling lost and emotionally drained after finishing a book and not knowing what to do with yourself after. I just felt sad that I’m not immersed in these characters’ lives anymore. Lucky for me (but also not lucky because I know I’ll be sad), there is a fourth book of the series coming out in like a week and half. So I will be able to immerse myself once again, then be sad again because it’s over. It’s a vicious cycle really. Book hangovers are tough. I always get them for books and series I really enjoy, but nothing holds a candle to the one this series left me with.

I’ve always wanted to be a writer. Well, I write. I guess I am a writer. It just feels weird calling myself one when I don’t make money from it. In my brain, I think it has to be a job for me to be able to call myself a writer. That is all irrelevant to my point and was a bit of a tangent. ANYWAY, where I was going with all that was to say that reading stories that have that much of an emotional impact on myself and other people is one of the reasons I wanted to be a writer. I want to do that. I want to write something so compelling that it makes people feel like they’ve truly lived the lives of my characters.

Reading that series really sparked my want to get back to writing and creating stories/poems. I have been on a bit of a hiatus because I just felt like my brain was at maximum capacity for what it could handle right now. And maybe it’s still kind of maxed out, but I want to manage everything better and try to make time for the things I love, and one of those things is writing. It’s funny because I’ve always written things, ever since I was young. Stories, poems, etc, but I never showed anyone because I thought people would think it was dumb. I don’t really know where that thought came from (something I have to figure out in therapy, I suppose), but it’s stuck with me and kept me from showing my stuff to anyone, except a select few very trusted people in my life.

I’ve written a whole 100,000 word novel, and half of another (not counting all the other stories I’ve started as well), but I never feel like my work is complete. There’s always something I can change or make better. So I continue to tweak it until I want to rip my hair out, then I take a hiatus from writing, then come back and start the cycle over. And I keep doing that over and over and over. I’ve been doing that for years now, unfortunately. I really have a thing for continuing cycles. I guess that’s something else I need to bring up in therapy.

I feel like I’ve rambled enough for one post. I hope this wasn’t too boring, but if it was then don’t read the others, I guess? I hope you have a wonderful week and that you get all green lights when you’re driving through your city. Also, just for fun, tell someone no this week and see how empowering that feels. I know at least one person reading this has to be a people pleaser like me and does things they don’t want to because they hate saying no, so try it out. No is a complete sentence.

XXXX(All kisses),
Summer